i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just had sex on a roof
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
