No, drunk sperm still make babies.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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