grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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