I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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