i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
