I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
