I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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