oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
