oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
