hotel room ftw
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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