Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just gargled with NyQuil
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