So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Come see our sink grown plant.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
