I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
