Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
