i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
