Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
