marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
This is my gift to your gina
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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