nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
