The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
