Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
