it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
