I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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