2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Randomize
