How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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