Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
