Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
two words: eviction party
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
