thus making me awesome and them whores
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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