This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
