Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
