you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
