there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
