U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
