It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
