All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Boobs are out for the taking
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
