There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Sober January is a disaster.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
she told me i tasted like america
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
