i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
