Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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