singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
