Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
