bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
