This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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