she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
