If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
