I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
