I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
