Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
