So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
