She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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