hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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