Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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