does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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